Homecoming

The chorus to this is pretty much stolen from a song called Polygraph written by a band called Cursed, who were great. Oh, and Homecoming is a really fucking unoriginal title, so sorry about that.

I have learned to miss what was never there.
Ghosts in my bloodstream, breathed in from the air.
And I have found a way to never sleep.
Phantoms fucking overhead, fight them, fight them for me please.

You didn't mean to
You say you didn't mean to
And I love you,
But you did.

And I would make you count all the seconds that made the hours that slipped through my fingers.
And I have burned and I have drowned and I have failed and you have lingered, in the aftertaste.
And I haven't slept and I haven't dreamed and you haven't called and I have filled up my lungs right to my throat,
All in the hope
That you can be replaced.

Black clouds over homelands, I'm taking twelve steps to the door.
Blacking out the memories til there is just nothing anymore.
Welcome back, my sweet destroyer, I've missed you in the most poisonous ways.
"It's funny how things end up",well you sure put a chelsea smile on my fucking face.

You didn't mean to
You say you didn't mean to
And I love you even now,
But you did.

Untitled.

It's all well and good having all these noisy angry ideas for songs, but they need something to contrast against; a moment of peace to measure the chaos against. Likewise, I'm not pissed off all the time, sometimes I'm very much in love. This is what happens when I remember these things, this is meant to be very stripped down, cleanly sung, and gentle, almost like a lullaby. It's also untitled.

"We're capable of beauty."
I hear those words and think of you.
How you push me like you pull me
And how you drive me like you break me.

Tonight this is all for you

This time I refuse to wear masks
I refuse to clothe this love.
For once not disguised or stylised
I want you to see how you shape me

Tonight this is all for you.

Home is where my heart is, and so home is where you are.
Did I ever tell you how this summer I would blow kisses at stars?
I imagined their light reflected our love so I kissed the sky each night.
We were never apart in my mind, and in a way you never left my sight.

Tonight this is all for you.

All of this is for you.

I'd hope this would probably be the subtle centrepiece, at least thematically, of any group of recordings it appeared on. For all of the anger here, it's important to me that I try to put love first.

I Have Become So Delicate

This reckless youth is fast becoming a useless wreck.
Laden down with crosses and crossing borders with no checks.
A fucked poetic heartbeat and a hazy metered mind.
Searching for answers at the bottom of bottles, knowing theres nothing to find.

Just another gouge at the abcess, another peeling of the flesh.
Another strip of skin removed and slung with all the rest.
This cuts away

Like falling
Through razors
(We shred our insides, we gut ourselves nightly)

This could all be
So much better.
(We shred our insides, we are all hollow now)

I have become so delicate now.
I have become so delicate now.
I have become so delicate now.
I have become so delicate now.

Holly Would.

Ok, so this one's not really 'metal' or anything like that. In fact, it's pretty much a direct rip off of the style of a straightforward rock n roll band called The Hold Steady. I realised I always seem to write in abstracts, and decided to challenge myself to writing something more concrete, with a narrative of sorts. I think it went alright. What do you think?

My fingers feel funny, kind of shiny kind of fuzzy.
I was trying to feel the love but now I just feel pretty druggy.
This girl said 'Honey.
You're pretty out of it'
I said 'You're out of line, man, everyone's a critic
You're out of line but ok, yeah, I'm over the limit'
So we argued for a minute, then we both left the bar
Left the car in the car park and went to count up all the stars
We ended up talking about life at dawn in her boudoir
I thought to myself man, sometimes we all try too hard.
Yeah I thought sometimes, we all try too hard.

So now my head feels kind buzzy, kind of 'awake-too-early'
I was trying to see some sense but now my vision's just all blurry
I said 'It's a five thirty sun up
And the moons going down'
She said 'Wait... stick around
I've told you about my times so now tell me about your town'
The way she said it, I guess it had a sound.
Sort of seedy, sort of sweet, sort of telling me we needed to sleep.
So we laid down and after a while I slowly started to speak
And I said sometimes, we all try too hard.
Yeah I said sometimes, we all try too hard.

And I told her about a beautiful girl who could have had her pick
Of being anything in the world, but she fell in love with cheap hits
So she used to dance for tips, and when times were tough, she'd turn cheap tricks
One day the needle in her arm became a medicine drip.
And I told her about a beautiful girl I once kind of knew
I liked to call her by her real name but most days any name would do
She moved like a dream til she put on her dancing shoes
Yeah and she'd dance to any music but she always had the blues.

This girl in this room looked at me like I was crazy.
Kind of sadly, Kind of lazily.
She said:
"I guess you haven't been keeping up with me lately.
Nobody hates me, but I feel a need to belong
I feel a need to be loved and to never be wrong
And that doesn't sit well with what's been going on
It's been so long
Since I was free
Since I was straight and clean
Since I was me, I've gotta leave this scene
You've gotta believe me, I've been trying so hard.

And I see maybe we need to try hard.

I Think I Thought Of Thinking.

I want to fuck the meat from your bones.
I want to grab all the air you need and throw it far from your throat.
I want to.
I want too much.


Is there anyone out there listening?
If there's anyone out there listening, listen in.
I'll not scream these words, I will curse you whispering.


Because it's strange how you have all the time in the world for someone half a world away.
And even though I am right here you don't have one word for me.

This is all in vain, but this could never compare to your vanity.


Sleep tight, tight rope walker.
Don't let me rock your world.

You say you're no good at falling in love. I hear seven voices that are begging to differ.
Seven voices that could draw every inch of your body, that could colour it with their tongues.
It's the lie. It's the lie.
Don't step inside my circles.
No don't you try.

Stand still, slack rope walker.
Fall. Cities don't sleep but tonight I will.

Title me?

Congratulations
You got my guard up,
I want to thank you for reminding me to always be distant.
Reminding me that detachment is the future.


Here's a subject put up for debate, the ability to feel is sometimes vastly overrated.
Won't somebody prove me wrong? Step up and prove me wrong?


The kindness of strangers, cancelled out by the coldness of friends.

There is nothing like the city by night, and this is too much like us falling apart,
So I'll sleep in railway stations and I'll curse my freezing fingers failing.
They'll surely shatter now if I do the one thing I want to.
To tear at your warm sleeping heart.

There will be forgiveness, but I think this time it's a long way off.
About as far away as I am from home.
As far away as you are from me.