Money Shot.

This one's about writing, performing, or any sort of expressive kind of thing where you start to question how comfortable you are with what you're doing, and what your reasons are for doing it. Also, the title could be a lot better.

This is pornography.
Voyeurs of the vulnerable who are in search of being loved.
Exploitation of private moments, exploring how far you and I will go.
Does it turn you on? Does it get you hot under the collar?
Does it get you off? You know it gets me hot and bothered.
Deeper baby, harder.

Read me like a book, I'm your centerfold, stained at my own request.
I am nothing but ink on paper, and I am nothing without any of you.
I need you to see me to make all of this worth it.
To make this all valid.
To counter all the ways this hurts me.
Now deeper baby, harder.

This is a snuff movie, but I am still a fucking star.
I'll keep screaming if you keep watching,
Is the lighting right for you?
Is my make up running?

This is my supply meeting your demand, (I love it)
But who came first?
I'm there, and I hate it.

A Fresh and False Start

None of us did the things we said we would.
None of us got the tattoos, none of us lived our dreams.
I can't believe I'm almost forgiving you.
Absence and distance makes the heart grow fonder I guess.

Absence and distance makes the memories and facts fade.

Is it for the best? Am I becoming the bigger person?
Am I just folding again, am I just folding again?
I can still feel the cold on my hands, I can still feel the cold in my heart
But I can feel all the glaciers we made melting.

Perhaps it's for the best. Maybe it's the smarter option. I mean you can try to get what you always wanted. Choose safety, you know it makes sense.

I don't believe in destinations, but maybe I believe in fate.
Absence and distance is making my memories fucking fade.
I think we could one day maybe even talk again, even though you're someone
That I
Hate.

Kiss You.

This song is for The Hold Steady and my friends. But this song is about her, and how I imagine it would be like right now if she'd been there last night. That makes it sound like it's a sad song, I think, but to me it's not. It's meant to be a really 'aww' song, if you know what I mean, which is something different.

We both woke up feeling fucked, still buzzed from the partying
But I don't think it matters cos for once I woke up smiling.
Lying on our sides like the ones that make 11's
Looking at each others faces like this was some kind of heaven.

The band was great last night you know, they made me feel alive again.
I was singing all the words and I was really in the action
Maybe it's the whiskey talking but it's my mouth making all the motions.
Last night I was screaming songs but now I'm softly phrasing passion

And all the while, just wanting to quietly kiss you and kiss you and kiss you and kiss you
Yeah all the time, I just want to kiss you.

And I know theres a lot of stuff stuck in our systems
A lot of reasons why neither of us really should listen
To the voices in each others ears telling us to give in
But we've got reasons to believe that this is not the voice of reason.

Let's let the afternoon come get us, let's see the light in through your blinds.
But lets stay in bed til then reliving last nights good times.
The music and the dancing and the drinking and the lights
The way I held you for the slow songs...

All the while just wanting to kiss you and kiss you and kiss you and kiss you
Yeah all the time, you know I just want to kiss you.

This is the first song I've been able to write in about a month, and it feels great.

Adrift In My Lungs.

Another routine usage of water and the sea as metaphor. Great. Be clever and figure out for yourself what it's about. I actually sort of don't know myself, but I've got a distinct idea.

When glass hits lips, we both shatter and spill.
Drenched in each other's guilt.
Our sinking ships,
This would only ever get us both killed.

Still we left the shore, not knowing what for,
We left the shore and I made an ocean in my insides.

Running my mouth like water, kicking my legs like they were paper.
Before folding and floating face down when our silence is said and done.

Not drowned but choked
By hope
Flooding from my open throat.
Escaping me like you did.
Flowing into the ocean that I am submerged in now.

Tides taking away the words.
Time has stopped ticking.
All I can hear are waves crashing
Together
Like
Worlds.

Glasses smashing, and hands snatching
At the way that you and I were.

Title please?

And my skeleton sings and so my bones are a choir and they're chanting to me 'set this life on fire', and my mouth's full of fuel and my mind is the spark, and i just want to be a candle shining bright in the dark, and your body is salt and my body's a wound and everything you did is going to make me burn out soon, and this breathing is heavy and these lungs are scarred, but my skeleton sings, and so my bones are a choir.

Chalking The Outlines, Waiting For Bodies.

Sorry if this seems a bit half arsed, I can't get my head together at the moment, any more than to write this:

I've been rolling with the punches since way before you even knew me
My bodies made of bruises honey, theres nothing you can do to me.
That's not already there, this life has tattooed me.
I'm nothing but a ghost of a man, these fists fly right through me.

God, I'd give it all to take a hit.

I'm sorry, I've become one of the living dead.
The only way to get by is by turning off my fucking head.
Eternal sunshine of the unthinking mind.
I once saw the light at the end of the tunnel, now I wish I'd been born blind.

God, I'd give it all to not see this.

I'd give it all to not be this.

I'd give it all to not feel this.

I'm giving in, I'm feeling sick.

Homecoming

The chorus to this is pretty much stolen from a song called Polygraph written by a band called Cursed, who were great. Oh, and Homecoming is a really fucking unoriginal title, so sorry about that.

I have learned to miss what was never there.
Ghosts in my bloodstream, breathed in from the air.
And I have found a way to never sleep.
Phantoms fucking overhead, fight them, fight them for me please.

You didn't mean to
You say you didn't mean to
And I love you,
But you did.

And I would make you count all the seconds that made the hours that slipped through my fingers.
And I have burned and I have drowned and I have failed and you have lingered, in the aftertaste.
And I haven't slept and I haven't dreamed and you haven't called and I have filled up my lungs right to my throat,
All in the hope
That you can be replaced.

Black clouds over homelands, I'm taking twelve steps to the door.
Blacking out the memories til there is just nothing anymore.
Welcome back, my sweet destroyer, I've missed you in the most poisonous ways.
"It's funny how things end up",well you sure put a chelsea smile on my fucking face.

You didn't mean to
You say you didn't mean to
And I love you even now,
But you did.

Untitled.

It's all well and good having all these noisy angry ideas for songs, but they need something to contrast against; a moment of peace to measure the chaos against. Likewise, I'm not pissed off all the time, sometimes I'm very much in love. This is what happens when I remember these things, this is meant to be very stripped down, cleanly sung, and gentle, almost like a lullaby. It's also untitled.

"We're capable of beauty."
I hear those words and think of you.
How you push me like you pull me
And how you drive me like you break me.

Tonight this is all for you

This time I refuse to wear masks
I refuse to clothe this love.
For once not disguised or stylised
I want you to see how you shape me

Tonight this is all for you.

Home is where my heart is, and so home is where you are.
Did I ever tell you how this summer I would blow kisses at stars?
I imagined their light reflected our love so I kissed the sky each night.
We were never apart in my mind, and in a way you never left my sight.

Tonight this is all for you.

All of this is for you.

I'd hope this would probably be the subtle centrepiece, at least thematically, of any group of recordings it appeared on. For all of the anger here, it's important to me that I try to put love first.

I Have Become So Delicate

This reckless youth is fast becoming a useless wreck.
Laden down with crosses and crossing borders with no checks.
A fucked poetic heartbeat and a hazy metered mind.
Searching for answers at the bottom of bottles, knowing theres nothing to find.

Just another gouge at the abcess, another peeling of the flesh.
Another strip of skin removed and slung with all the rest.
This cuts away

Like falling
Through razors
(We shred our insides, we gut ourselves nightly)

This could all be
So much better.
(We shred our insides, we are all hollow now)

I have become so delicate now.
I have become so delicate now.
I have become so delicate now.
I have become so delicate now.

Holly Would.

Ok, so this one's not really 'metal' or anything like that. In fact, it's pretty much a direct rip off of the style of a straightforward rock n roll band called The Hold Steady. I realised I always seem to write in abstracts, and decided to challenge myself to writing something more concrete, with a narrative of sorts. I think it went alright. What do you think?

My fingers feel funny, kind of shiny kind of fuzzy.
I was trying to feel the love but now I just feel pretty druggy.
This girl said 'Honey.
You're pretty out of it'
I said 'You're out of line, man, everyone's a critic
You're out of line but ok, yeah, I'm over the limit'
So we argued for a minute, then we both left the bar
Left the car in the car park and went to count up all the stars
We ended up talking about life at dawn in her boudoir
I thought to myself man, sometimes we all try too hard.
Yeah I thought sometimes, we all try too hard.

So now my head feels kind buzzy, kind of 'awake-too-early'
I was trying to see some sense but now my vision's just all blurry
I said 'It's a five thirty sun up
And the moons going down'
She said 'Wait... stick around
I've told you about my times so now tell me about your town'
The way she said it, I guess it had a sound.
Sort of seedy, sort of sweet, sort of telling me we needed to sleep.
So we laid down and after a while I slowly started to speak
And I said sometimes, we all try too hard.
Yeah I said sometimes, we all try too hard.

And I told her about a beautiful girl who could have had her pick
Of being anything in the world, but she fell in love with cheap hits
So she used to dance for tips, and when times were tough, she'd turn cheap tricks
One day the needle in her arm became a medicine drip.
And I told her about a beautiful girl I once kind of knew
I liked to call her by her real name but most days any name would do
She moved like a dream til she put on her dancing shoes
Yeah and she'd dance to any music but she always had the blues.

This girl in this room looked at me like I was crazy.
Kind of sadly, Kind of lazily.
She said:
"I guess you haven't been keeping up with me lately.
Nobody hates me, but I feel a need to belong
I feel a need to be loved and to never be wrong
And that doesn't sit well with what's been going on
It's been so long
Since I was free
Since I was straight and clean
Since I was me, I've gotta leave this scene
You've gotta believe me, I've been trying so hard.

And I see maybe we need to try hard.

I Think I Thought Of Thinking.

I want to fuck the meat from your bones.
I want to grab all the air you need and throw it far from your throat.
I want to.
I want too much.


Is there anyone out there listening?
If there's anyone out there listening, listen in.
I'll not scream these words, I will curse you whispering.


Because it's strange how you have all the time in the world for someone half a world away.
And even though I am right here you don't have one word for me.

This is all in vain, but this could never compare to your vanity.


Sleep tight, tight rope walker.
Don't let me rock your world.

You say you're no good at falling in love. I hear seven voices that are begging to differ.
Seven voices that could draw every inch of your body, that could colour it with their tongues.
It's the lie. It's the lie.
Don't step inside my circles.
No don't you try.

Stand still, slack rope walker.
Fall. Cities don't sleep but tonight I will.

Title me?

Congratulations
You got my guard up,
I want to thank you for reminding me to always be distant.
Reminding me that detachment is the future.


Here's a subject put up for debate, the ability to feel is sometimes vastly overrated.
Won't somebody prove me wrong? Step up and prove me wrong?


The kindness of strangers, cancelled out by the coldness of friends.

There is nothing like the city by night, and this is too much like us falling apart,
So I'll sleep in railway stations and I'll curse my freezing fingers failing.
They'll surely shatter now if I do the one thing I want to.
To tear at your warm sleeping heart.

There will be forgiveness, but I think this time it's a long way off.
About as far away as I am from home.
As far away as you are from me.

Death Rattle and Roll

Big ideas, big ideas.
Keep them in your head before somebody gets hurt.
Nothing makes a party, like a serious injury to an innocent bystander.
The emergency services,
Know us on a first name basis
We are all their valued
Repeat customers.
Keeping them employed and busy with a constant stream of blood.

Batten down the hatches.
All men to the action stations.
All women to the basement, there's a storm a-comin', and it's name sounds like mine.
Hold the children close until you can feel their pulse in your chest.
Until their lungs draw your breath.
Sing them songs if they cry; soft and futile lullabies.

You win.

Save your last dance for me.
I promise I will hold you close.
One hand around your waist and the other around your throat.
Until the dance dies and you're in my arms and trembling
You always were a mover and a shaker, you always were a mover and a shaker.

Death rattle and roll, baby.
One o'clock, two o'clock, three o'clock shock.

White Bloom

fuck nme, topshop, indie kids.

Reach down your throat
Expel regret from your vocabulary
Shatter my days
Is there even a limit?
You can never fail if you never set yourself a target.

My subscribing
To your lies
Is expiring.
Now all you want is a bottle and the weekend (fucking vampire)
Commoditised and quantified.
Expel the excess.
Choke on all the firelight you shine on me.
Let the sun cut your arms to shreds.

Baby doll keeps bursting into flames, give me a body, I want it warm.

The snakes are out in force, this is a fucking nest of vipers.
Hatched out of pages and screens with income to burn at the altar.
You think you're special (wrong)
That's just those chemicals
In your blood.
You stupid cunt.
Dumb fuck, I'm dumb founded, the endless capacity for needless disconnecting.
Let me taste you and tell you where you're empty.
You're all empty, your body begging for an end to the hollow

Shake
The lights make you shake.
And you move when you think you should.
Drop
The fucking act, grow up, get living.
Dressing in disguise gets you here.
Living in lies gets you hurt.

Sweat you didn't want to earn tonight.
If you don't know where you are, do you at least realise you want to die?
Should have stayed by my side.

Bite your fingers and tell yourself it's all alright.
Playing the role Baby Doll, and you're doing just fine.
Tears aren't part of this character, hold them in for another time.

And there are no names.
And there are no meanings.
Nothing to make this just a little less of something to be ashamed of.
Nothing to make this anything, nothing to make you feel alive at all.

Baby doll shatters.
Porcelein face, face down on the floor.
Smiles finally crack.
And it all comes out.
And no one cares.

Hungover, Drawn and Quartered

Kill the lights, turn out the sun
I don't want to know what I've done.
Or who I've done it with.

I was wild,
Broke out my cage.
The beast was on the loose I am afraid to say.
The shark was in the water smelling for blood, what did it find?

A pretty little body with sedated smiling eyes.

Did we stray too far from shore? I'm not sure it matters anymore.
You're not her,
And if anyone asks, you're not here.
You're a private mistake I made, and now I need you to disappear.

If anyone asks, we never met.
You haven't seen me at my weakest and I haven't tasted your sweat.
If anyone cares, I'm no one you recognise.
You don't lay down for anyone, and you damn sure didn't for me last night.

In case
Of emergency
All I need is deniability
And an airtight alibi.
But right now I'd appreciate
A little more time
To wash her off my body
And to get her off my mind.

This heart of mine has been compromised.
By the thrill of the hunt, and taking whatever I can find.

If anyone asks, I'm no one you know.
You didn't wrap yourself around me and I didn't let myself go.
If anyone cares, we're two perfect strangers.
Because you're sure not the girl I love, and I know the way this ends up.

Each bottle becomes a page.
Every empty glass translates into a slurred turn of phrase.
I drowned all the ifs and trod on all the cigarette butts.
They say don't drink and drive but tonight I could give a flying fuck.

I'm behind the wheel and I'm cruising
The lights are off but I'm home and I'm not alone.
This is a torture of my own choosing.
Each day it's a rack, but each night it becomes a throne.

this ones about getting drunk and fucking someone for the wrong reasons.

Count Your Curses

I've had to sit behind this smiling mask for so long, but now I'm done.
This is your excommunication, we are no longer friends.
Give me back every fucking thing I gave so I can be gone.
This is my confession, this is where we end.

It's not in me to feel anything good for you.
You force tears on parade, in your favourite dress you always wear.
The worst part is I know you don't know what you do.
Wasting your years killing your own dreams then thinking I will care.

You could be everything in my world.
I could be made complete.
But you're distorted, by your own reflection.
And what your broken mirrors make you see.

I'm pushing beyond the realms of safety.
You're nothing if not all I want to be.
If hearing, this, makes you hate me.
It's just truth hitting home, and I'm not sorry.
We're over, oh.

I've gritted teeth until they hurt
For you.
To stop myself from screaming out how I feel.
I don't know what's more fragile, your skin or your heart.
But my own lungs are fit to burst
All round you,
This life we're living is not real.

You have it all, except a clue, and I don't even know where to start.

I've had to sit behind this smiling mask for so long, but now I'm done.
This is your excommunication, we are no longer friends.
Give me back every fucking thing I gave so I can be gone.
This is my confession, this is where we end.

Charlatan

this ones got a bit more of a structure to it than the others, which are all essentially 'get from start to finish as quick as you can'. this is intended to be a lengthy sludgy sort of thing, picking up speed in the middle and then dying down again for the last verse or so.

I heard your songs, through my speakers.
I saw your show, on my screen.
I watched the way, you play and sing and shout and make the paying public scream.
As they exchange their cash for a hollowed out hour,
For a whore with a message that's worthless and weak,
How can you sit and pretend that you feel truth in any word you ever speak?

You vampire, you fraud, you liar, facsimile
You're a showman, a circus, would be a better suited stage
Your costume, so crafted, to create, illusion,
Of someone, who cares, and means what they say.

The fashion is, your strong point, the music is, your flaw.
There's no hint of truth in your notes and your lines.
The clichéd, combination, of lyrics, and chords
Creates nothing that hasn't been done better before.

Apparantly honesty isn't all it's made out to be,
The lies you let loose have now carved you a niche.
So while you sit up there on your stool, let me speak.
The problems you sing about are ones you unleash.

Your loose lips, sink your own ships,
Your open door to your room is your own trap you set.
Your transgressions should have held more discretion
Spotlights luring the airing of secrets you should have kept.

How do you sleep at night?
Do you lay your head down in a home made thorn crown?
Do you rest your eyes and dream of fresh fiction to write as truth?
Do you build more tales to tell in the round?

The success of your stories holds a lesson I must admit
While we're all laying secrets on tables, here's something to chew on
I hope you choke on it

While you're sleeping in beds with, fans of your characters
Your girl is with me, drunk and lonely, but I'm looking after her
So where should you be at three in the morning when I'm walking her home?
When my hand finds hers and her eyes meet mine and then when we're in my room and alone?

Black Eyes

You say we're cut from the same cloth.
The eagle to the queen.
Cry your fucking eyes out.
Go home, take my heart with you.
Sleep next to him, sleep next to him.

I'll be right here with black eyes and cracked teeth.
Beating myself up, over you.
I'll be right here with black eyes and cracked teeth.
Waiting
For you.

I feel sick to think of it.
You savoured every last
Word I said.
Every smile you gave, I stored in my mind
I know you were true.
But honesty has left me cold tonight.

I'll be right here with black eyes and cracked teeth.
Beating myself up, over you.
I'll be right here with black eyes and cracked teeth.
Waiting
For you.

And I fucking hate New York.
When I've never even been.
But it's taken all I could have had
Away from me.

When you get home, it will be the middle of a cold dead winter.
And for all I care right now, you can freeze.
These shoulders stay mine, they stay dry.
If you want someone to cry on, you should have stayed, you should have stayed.

Fred Phelps Will Burn In Hell

Your eisegesis is fucking flawed.
I'd rather be a fag than serve your version of God.
If we're in distress it's because we are free,
And when I look at you there is nowhere I'd rather be.
Fred Phelps will burn in hell.

You are the heretic, preaching your bullshit.
Your reading of the word is fucking dyslexic
Justification for your fear and your bigotry,
If God hates sinners, he'll fucking loathe me.
Fred Phelps will burn in hell

Ruling through fear and dictating with pride,
Too caught up in your ego to respect those who've died.
Disagreement is damnation, and questioning is a sin,
Hell's mouth is gaping open, I'm jumping right in.
Fuck you.
Fred Phelps will burn in hell.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Phelps

Join The Army

a lot of people i know haven't had a great upbringing, or are looking for something to finally call theirs. this is about that, and how i sometimes swear blind that everything must happen for a reason.

I want all my scars to be nothing but trophies
And my skin to be a road map of how I got to where I am
All choices make me and they shape me and from time to time they break me
But I'm sure things aren't really so bad.

No matter how far I go
I hope that I will make you happy
And proud every time I sing "this is who I am"
I thought it was the right time
But it feels like it's been a lifetime
So rest assured I'm doing the best I can.

Remember the times when you lived in a house of cards
And time after time, everything fell apart.
But then when it all comes together, it feels so much better
So never let go of those beats of your heart.

...So it goes.
Listening to your favourite songs and going to shows
It all seeps into your bones.

And we all know
It's not a choice, it's something that grows.
It takes control.

It boxes you in.
But it's what brought you to where you are so don't pretend

You'd have done it any other way
You would have changed a single thing
All the shit that made you hate life
Has also brought you your best friends
It gave you a family that goes above and beyond
It showed you what's right and asked you what's wrong
It gave you people to love and who love you right back
Why would you want to change any of that?

Your personal problems aren't yours
There are a thousand private wars
Being fought in this moment all over this town
You're not alone, don't get yourself down.

Your personal problems aren't yours
There are a thousand private wars
Being fought in this moment all over this town
We could be an army, so come join in the sound.

Rats In The Walls Of The World

this song is about something i saw a few weeks ago. when we should be celebrating how we can come together despite our differences, some people persist in trying to use our disparities as a way of making others feel bad, or themselves feel better. it's fucking disgusting.

How
Dare you use our podium to try and preach your words of hate?
You're the kind of person for whom we never have the time or place.
We're trying to make
A better way
For everyone
Which means we have no room for you, you fucking racist scum.

Speak up, and we'll shout you fucking down.

Your eyes
Wide, full of anger, but you're blinded by your beliefs.
Clutching your laughing child and screaming hatred in the streets.
There is no future
If this is what
Our youth are taught.
A city divided by colour, ruled by race, a horrific thought.

Speak up, and we'll shout you fucking down.

Speak up, we'll always shout you down.

Derailer

this song is about 'the scene'. about how people exist who look at kids needing a sense of identity and only see a source of income.

Scrape out your guts, and pay them by the hour for the pleasure
Of filling your new void with lies and calculations.
You should know nothing they say is grounded in
Any sense
Of reality.
You should not believe
A word
They say.

Welcome to the abattoir, you are part of a dying herd
A bolt through your empty head is nothing more than just what you deserve.
Will you feel it?
Will you feel a fucking thing?
What is it that you hear?
When you sing?
Those empty words...

You can take your fashion to the grave, and I hope you do.
Every death, each final breath that's drawn brings a new hope.
You say you'll stick to your guns.
You'll get shot down and die in the dirt.
You'll get whats coming to you.
What you deserve.

The train is coming down the tracks for all to see.
And you're all aboard right now, but next year where will you be?
I've got a rope, I've got bad intentions, I'll tie you to the tracks and I'll grin.
You swore you wanted this, how will you cope when you get hit by the next big thing?

Invest yourselves in their lies
Invest yourselves in their lies
Investigate what's in their eyes
The most sickening lie of our lives.

Intending to scream

I guess I should start by saying this place exists pretty much purely for me to have a way of writing and accessing lyrics I have written without the risk of hard drives dying, files being accidentally deleted, or paper being lost. But still, people do love a good nose around, so here's a bit more detail:

I have another blog already, which can be found at http://www.coloursinblackandwhite.blogspot.com/, which is where I'll probably write more, if I'm being honest. There is where I write in a more fluid and less formulaic way I suppose; here is where I want to just put up words I have written for songs I am working on.

To make it easier for me, and maybe you too, I'm also going try to only put up my angrier pieces here. Essentially, they're for a hardcore/punk/metal/heavy thing I'm slowly, slowly working on, so it's important to keep that in mind as you read. The other site I mentioned has lyrics on it too, but they're typically for a post-rockier, prettier type of thing I also have in mind, and besides, they are dotted around in between my more usual, straightforwardish posts, so they might be harder to figure out.

Erm, yeah, right then. Here we go, enjoy/comment/whatever...